The Five Keys to Success

(That your basic pencil can teach you)

Do you sometimes find yourself tired, frustrated, losing focus, and almost buckling under the weight of life's challenges?  

Believe it or not, your key to getting back on track may be no further away than reaching for your humble pencil!  

We've recently been reflecting on an old story called "The Parable of the pencil" that we thought may enrich your experience, allow us to share it with you.

The way the story ends, the pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart. 

Now, if we take the place of the pencil in the story, it reminds us of five keys to our success, which we've stated as follows:

ONE:  Remember that we are uniquely designed to do great things.  Yet, to do that we need to let go of our desire to control everything and allow ourselves to be GUIDED.

TWO:  Shit happens, to everyone, and sometimes it hurts. Don't delude ourselves that we are uniquely afflicted, recognise that life challenges are the way we grow and develop.  Once we pay attention, learn something from the situation, and put it into practice, we will grow stronger.

THREE: We will make mistakes, we are human.  We don't need to dwell on them or wallow in negativity.  The most important thing is to correct them, and not make the same mistake twice.

FOUR: We are more than just a shell of flesh, remember that.  We have to protect our values, our spirit, our moral compass from all of the negativity that can sometimes pervade this world.  We have a choice about what seeds we let take root inside us.  Pay attention to which dog we're feeding.
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FIVE: Everything that we do in life leaves a mark, good or bad.  Its our choice whether we want our legacy to be one of joy, or negativity.  

To be successful, we cannot quit on our purpose, no matter how difficult the situation seems.  We need to refer back to number ONE above...and surrender ourselves to the hand that is guiding us.  

Join our conversation:
Did this post have a positive impact on you? Leave us a comment below with your perspective.

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The big secrets in life

On some level, we would say that everyone is searching for meaning, truth and freedom in life.

What that means may vary, depending on how a person defines those terms, but many people feel that until they find the answers to those questions, they will remain unfulfilled. So, the demand is there, and thus there is a seemingly endless supply of personal development gurus, offering us what we want.  Those answers, that have been hidden from us (deliberately?), all these long, painful years.

There is a challenge we have with that idea, though.  Maybe the best way to describe it is to relate the following story to you:

We'd like you to think about the implications of that story for a moment...

If we humans, with all our great knowledge and technological advances, have issues in expressing what the fragrance of a rose is, are we going to accurately describe Love, Truth, God and the meaning of Life??  

We put it to you that any "guru" offering us the answers to these questions is, maybe, just a little, full of BS.  If taken in that context, you can accept what's useful in their philosophy and discard what is not and then you'll have a more refined version of your BS.  
In the final analysis, if your BS works for you, if it is serving you in a constructive way as you deal with life, what else really matters?

Anyway, that's our bullshit.  We'd love to hear yours, so leave us a comment below!

(FYI: Lao Tzu was a legendary philosopher and poet of ancient China. He is known as the reputed author of the Tao Te Ching and the founder of philosophical Taoism.  We can guarantee that you won't regret exploring his teachings.) 

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Come to the edge!

We should not fear new thoughts, or rationally questioning our current beliefs.
If we find ourselves emotionally defending "our truth", we should remind ourselves that the truth, needs no defense. Give yourself permission to soar, you deserve it.

Did you find this post useful?  Leave us a comment below, and let us know your thoughts!

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A disturbance in the force...

We now pause for a moment, to acknowledge the nerdgasm heard around the world...

There are no words to adequately describe this.  

There just are no...

We're out.  Mark your calendars.

Updated-6/11/15: New footage!

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The Darkest Hour...

"Oh CRAP!"

For my pal Dave, that exclamation was the first sign of trouble. The sound came from his wife, as she sprung from the bed and headed for the kitchen, seemingly without even touching the ground. It jolted Dave out of Morpheus' embrace, a job usually done more gradually by his multi-tiered alarm system. One (sufficiently loud and exceedingly annoying) alarm clock goes off at four am, supported by two cellphone alarms (at 4:10 & 4:15), both following a strict two snooze protocol.

Dave knows that if his butt isn't out of bed before the third snooze, he's toast. He hits the road by five-thirty or he endures two hours of traffic, guaranteed. (And in his world, there is nothing that Dave hates more than traffic.)

He reached for his cellphone, groggily noticing the faint rays of sunlight streaming through the curtains and asked himself, "Jeezanages, what's the time ?"

It was twenty minutes to six.

"Five...firetrucking...forty???", Dave questioned, in disbelief. As his brain started processing his predicament, this was the point where his panic would usually set in.

After all, it's wasn't just his departure for work that was delayed, but also the whole sequence of events that were to follow! The thoughts flooded his mind: that deadline that he had planned to get in early to tackle, before the arrival of the two auditors from his regional head office...whom he wasn't sure that building security had yet been notified about...and whose daily schedule of meetings he was still to arrange...not to mention finding a free office space for them to work...plus getting his daughter Kristy's homework printed before dropping her off at school at seven...the whirlwind of anxiety, worry and stress was picking up speed...

Yet, that day Dave did something...different.

Before getting off the bed, he took a moment and spoke to that storm brewing in his mind. "Ok..I can't be late twice.", he said to himself. "No matter how fast we get ready, its going to be a long trip...so I'll just load up the car deck with my favorite mp3s, and relaxify myself. As for everything else I had planned, l'll just keep calm, and go with the flow. Everything will probably get done, one way or the other, and even if it doesn't, this day will come to an end."

Then, Dave walked out of his bedroom and calmly got ready for work. When Kristy was dressed, he kissed his wife goodbye, and Dave enjoyed two hours of his favorite tunes on the morning drive, while she took a nap.

Did everything go smoothly that day? Nope.
Did Dave finish all the tasks he woke up with on his mind? Certainly not.
Yet, somehow...things still got done.

Yes, Kristy was an hour late for school...sure, the meeting schedule for his auditors ended up being somewhat "fluid" that day, but they all happened!  On the other hand, that deadline he thought was the following day?  Dave realised that It was actually due ten days later!  

So, the sky didn't come crashing down, as Dave may have feared, and all things considered, he had to say it was a pretty good day.  I'm sure we've all seen it turn out differently, when we allowed that one "bad" event to throw our entire day off. 

We would argue with our partner and the kids, lament the fact that despite the plethora of technology that you bought for them, they can't seem to grasp the basic operation of an alarm clock...anxiously cut in and out of traffic, cussing the idiots cruising in the "fast" lane....

and arriving at work two hours later, completely stressed and frustrated. 

Allowed, I say, because I put it to you that it is within our control. No, not the events themselves, but how we react to them. I'm suggesting that a large part of what made the difference to Dave, was how he chose to interpret that situation, choosing to swim with this tide rather than against it, all while recognising that the tides...change.

Life situations are temporary, and maybe what determines how we experience the situation is just how we choose to think about it. Or to put it another way, the darkest hour lasts only 60 minutes, and that's precisely when your candle can shine brighter than the sun.

Anyway, that's my bullshit.

As a bonus, watch this hilarious demonstration of the power of perspective!

Did you relate to this post? Leave us a comment below and let us know!

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Faith vs Fear: Two Dogs Fighting

If you do a survey asking what people want most out of life, what do you think would top the list?

Happiness.  

It would definitely be up there, in any place, city, town or country that you choose.  Number one could also be wealth, success, fame, love or peace...but what would be the end result that we are looking for?  Many of us think that once we have love, success, money, etc that it would make us happy. (And isn't that concept a deep rabbit hole?)  

So it's arguable that that's what we're most about, happiness. Especially Trinis. (We're ranked amongst the friendliest, happiest people in the world, don't you know.)  So why, oh why, do humans continue to make choices that are destined to bring us to the exact opposite of what we say we want?

It can be puzzling. Any of us with children, especially teenagers, have intimate knowledge of the exasperation of trying to understand this.  Personally, I constantly have to reassure my wife, "Don't worry, their brains just aren't fully developed yet."  At least, children have an excuse.  As supposedly mature adults, what's ours?

     

One of the best expressions of that conflict going on inside of us, is given in a native american story called "Two Wolves Fighting" or "Two Dogs Fighting" depending on the version you are told.  We were first exposed to it in a recording of a workshop by the late Fr. Anthony DeMello, and later on we found a beautifully illustrated version of it in an issue of the Marvel comicbook, Daredevil. (Issue 435, February 2004, by David Mack)  

It goes as follows: (We have added some subtitles for your reading pleasure)    

The way the Chief told me, the story goes like this. 
This guy, I think it was another indian guy...he was a good guy, but I think he had some problems in the past. Maybe he got in trouble with the law a bit here and there....Maybe he had a rough childhood....Or maybe he fell in with the wrong crowd...Or maybe just in general felt like he wasn't living up to his potential for whatever reason.  

And in describing his inner struggles, he says to the Chief, "There are two dogs inside me.  One of the dogs is mean and evil.  The other dog is good."

"The mean dog fights the good dog all the time."

And when I heard that, I really understood this guy.  I knew that the one dog was like your dreams and good intentions.  He is full of purpose, and order.  
He maybe represents your respect for others and your respect for yourself.  Respect for what you can be, if you put your heart into it.

And the other dog?  He has no respect for anything. He's like a rabid beast.  Crazy, and self-indulgent.  
He blames everyone else for his sickness.  He lashes out at every opportunity.  He loves nothing but wallowing in the hot darkness of his anger.

So someone asks this guy, this indian guy, a question.

Someone asks him, "So which dog usually wins?"  
And the guy sort of looks down and thinks about it for a while.  He doesn't say anything for a long time.

And then, after a moment's reflection, he answers.

He says this.  He says; "The dog that wins, is the one that I feed the most."

Isn't that beautiful?  

It comes down to what we give most of our attention to, the dog that we feed the most.  After all, It is logical that whatever we feed, will grow.  Do you frequently find yourself feeling anxious or worried?  Possibly we should take a step back and ask ourselves, which dog are we feeding more in our lives?

Faith?...Or Fear?

Here is some quick food for thought about worrying.  
Please share you thoughts in the comments below!.

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Faith or Fear

One could say that we've been dancing around this post for a while now.
We've either been too busy with work, or sick with the flu, or too tired, or not sure exactly what we wanted to say, or dealing with bills or deadlines, etc.  That critic in our head labels it "procrastination"... yet, that's not 100% accurate, is it?  

It's not that we've been avoiding an urgent task that we don't want to do and distracting ourselves with more pleasurable things.  There is validity and urgency in most of the other things we've been doing, and personally, pleasurable is definitely not the first word i would use to describe my day job.  (You know exactly what i mean, don't you?)

Here's the point.  We are reeeeeally good at talking ourselves out of doing things, aren't we? We can think up all the reasons why something will not work, will go horribly wrong and how later we'll regret spending the precious time that we did, on it.  It's similar to the default settings on your tablet or mobile device, in some ways.

Consider this now, how often do we think about if it all goes right?

You've carefully considered all of the information before you, and everything actually goes according to your plan. 
Wouldn't that be fantastic? What would be all the benefits that happening, hmm? Wouldn't it be worth the risk of some disappointment?  We would not consider that time to be "wasted", would we?  However, for so many of us, the internal dialogue is pretty one sided, (to be fair, this is actually not an unexpected result of talking to yourself) with lots of cons and very few pros.  

Yet, just like your tablet or mobile device, with some time and effort, the default settings can be changed, apps can be 'sideloaded' and you can be merrily watching flash videos despite the manufacturer's decision not to support them, and all without voiding your warranty! (If you didn't get that analogy, just roll with it for now. You luddite.)

So, we finally decided that i should stop dancing, and just start writing, and see where it takes us. Which, as it turns out, is right in the direction of the theme of this post.  (Imagine that)

What sparked our faith or fear discussion was episode five of the first season of House M.D., "Damned if you do."  (An excellent series that aired from 2004-2012, with Hugh Laurie playing the brilliant and acerbic Dr. Gregory House, a modern day Sherlock Holmes, complete with prescription drug addictions and his only friend, Dr. Wilson.)  

The patient in this episode was a Nun, who is initially admitted with what seems to be an allergy but progressively deteriorates despite Dr. House's best efforts.  Facing her impending death, Sister Mary Augustine has a crisis of faith, where she questions why has God abandoned her.  At this point, there is a scene where Dr. Chase reminds her that God hasn't left her, and the only thing in the way of her knowing that  he is there, is her fear.  She has a choice to make, Faith...or Fear.  

As Dr. Chase explains, her choosing Faith doesn't guarantee that she won't die, but it will change the way that she experiences her death, and by extension, her life.  It's a powerful, well written scene, a short clip of which is included below.

There are a few implications of the idea that we found intriguing, especially that the choice between faith and fear may not ultimately change our outcome, but it does change our experience.  It is a shift of focus from our destination, to our journey.  

If you are going to be stuck in two hours of morning traffic, who do you think is having a better experience, the guy grumbling about everybody else's lack of driving ability and describing their conception in graphic detail, or the one who cranks up his favorite mp3's and is groovin' his way to work? They may probably both get to work at the same time, yet who is more likely to have a better and more productive day? And the critical difference is just a shift in perspective.  

Thus, despite the natural associations we have with the word faith, we can recognise the choice facing us here as being much larger than a religious one, this is about our quality of life.   So why then, do so many of us still choose to have fear direct our lives?  

Don't we all say that we want happiness?

Share your thoughts on this post, leave us a comment below! 

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That's your BS

Today, we had a thought.

Certainly not an earth-shattering event by any means, yet this one went as follows:
There are times when you will be exposed to the fact that there is a difference between how you want life to work, and how it actually does.  Then, you can hold on to your beliefs about how you think life should be, or you can get to the business of understanding how it actually is.

It really shouldn't surprise us that most times we choose to hold on tightly to what we "know". 
The idea that life situations will just rearrange according to our desires is comforting, seductive, and sometimes intoxicating.  After all, we're not bad people, don't we deserve to have happiness? 

However, what evidence is there that life gives us what we deserve? As Clint Eastwood's Will Munny states so succinctly in the movie Unforgiven, "Deserves got nothing to do with it."

Doing nothing differently and then pretending that things will somehow get better or a situation won't recur....well, the kindest thing we can say about that, may be that its illogical. (Others may describe it as a definition of insanity)  
However, we do accept that it may take us a few exposures to the aforementioned differences, before some of us decide to go the other way.  

A gentle nudge becomes a shove, situations may get more extreme or dangerous, and we finally decide that what we're doing isn't working.  To paraphrase what someone once said, the acid of our pain finally eats through the wall of our denial. Sometimes, we need to suffer enough to say; "There's got to be a better way." Then, if we're lucky, we begin searching for it.  We question what we've been taught, and look for answers, truth, the meaning of life, and an end to the suffering & stress.

The thriving personal development and motivational industries is evidence that a lot of searching is taking place. The continued production of new best selling books, all promising answers to a lot of the same questions, indicates that many of us aren't quite finding the answers that work. 

We've experienced that haven't we?  The euphoria of new knowledge and insight that's going to change our lives!  Fast forward a few months and....the thrill is gone, and something is still...missing.

This blog is in no way intended to provide THE answer that many of us are looking for, or to spend time debating the ones that some of these industries claim to provide...
Our position is actually that they're all bullshit.  

Hold on, hold on, allow us to expand on that thought a bit. 

We agree that there is definitely a lot of great, sensible, insightful and useful information in the thousands of best selling personal development, motivational, spiritual and psychology books and websites published every year.  We also find that a lot of them cover similar ground, say similar things in many different ways and are really drawing water from many of the same wells...but when they start promising us THE way to finding happiness or THE magic secret you've been missing all your life...then the pot they're cooking starts to give off a different smell.

Our premise is that no human being can really give us all the life answers, and a future post will explore a rational explanation for why we think that's the case.  For now, we'll adapt the the way that the Bernie Laplante's character expressed the idea in the movie Hero (1992).  

Despite all of these "Gurus" always trying to tell us what the absolute "truth" is, we put it to you that there is no "truth", just layer upon layer of bullshit.  And most of us, have a particular layer that we prefer, that we're comfortable with, and that becomes our bullshit.  (Check out the movie clip below for the full scene)

So, what we would like to establish through this blog, is a way to interact with a community of people, all searching for answers, and all of whom would have gained many insights along the way, yet who are still open to the idea that their current understandings may, contain some bullshit.  People who are open enough to discuss and examine their positions beyond "That's just the way I feel" or "I know that this is how it is." and are willing to honestly, logically and rationally consider why they think a certain way, and if it really makes sense.

Or put another way, the philosophy would involve an acceptance that i'm full of shit, and you're full of shit.  Yet, if there's something in your BS, that better explains what i've come up with so far on that topic...hey, i've got no issue refining my BS to include it.  Once we're agreed that it all falls short of the absolute truth, hopefully we can bypass any counterproductive "my truth is better than your truth" debate. 

Instead, it would be about learning from each other and appreciating the similar journey that we're all on.
As the legend himself put it; "Absorb what is useful, discard what is not, and add what is uniquely your own."

So that's the idea, we'll post essays and random thoughts on life, work, parenting, awareness, movies, television, psychology, marriage & motivation, all for us to discuss, share different viewpoints and learn from each other. We'll do our best to keep it as conversational and entertaining as we can.  Since we're fond of movies & television, we will be using more movie clips and other interactive ways to communicate our thoughts.  

We're thankful that you're here and we really look forward to
sharing in your journey.  We, by the way, are a couple of friends who've been questioning and searching for a while now, and most of the posts would be primarily based on our discussions and experiences.  This is our first attempt at blogging, and we can assure you that with your input, we'll only get better and better.

But then again...maybe that's just our bullshit.

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